Families & Relationships
The Good Parent
“When you’re weary, feeling small. When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all… I’m on your side” is from the classic song, “Bridge over Troubled Water” of Simon and Garfunkel, speaks of a parent’s unconditional love that tugs the heartstring.
When we see our parents and evaluate how they raised us, does it not make you wander how to be like or better than them? “Was their love enough? Is my love the kind that guarantees or warrants one to be a good parent? Am I a good parent? Am I even truly putting my family first? There are too many questions that sometimes end with, “How come they don’t teach parenting in school?”
We do not need to go far for a reference or even a model.
Sir Bertram Lim, the Chairman of United Neon Advertising, Inc. (UNAI), gave us the privilege of discussing the vital qualities that make a good parent.
A good parent must be a good and virtuous role model to the children. It is the simplest yet most complex quality. It evokes further questions of how one becomes a good role model. With the changing times, modern culture, practices, and technology, Sir Bert acknowledges that there are ways of becoming a good role model that never goes out of style.
Have a Close Walk with God
“And Enoch walked with God: and he [was] not; for God took him.” Genesis 5:24
One must know and fear God. Walking with the Lord, knowing and following His will, as Sir Bert emphasizes, is the first step in becoming a good parent.
Danny, the youngest son of Sir Bert, agrees as he recalls a few of his childhood experiences with his father. Indeed, he was a busy man – running his company and still managing to simultaneously serve the Lord. One of which was through missions. Another is by instituting the practice of a weekly Bible reading among all his office staff to begin the week.
Sir Bert was a very good father according to Sir Danny. “He listens and is very supportive,” he repeats enthusiastically every now and then, stressing the present tense of the sentence, whenever describing his father. He made sure he gave his children ample time and attention. Ping pong, card games, and chess are among the few activities they shared interest in. He was also able to introduce and instill his faith to his children, helping them find their own path to a closer walk with God. Sir Bert was his family’s spiritual model.
Have the Right Values
“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money” Matthew 6:24
It was not a surprise when both Sir Bert and Sir Danny described one of the ways of becoming a good role model to children is by having the right values.
“No matter how much money we have, if we do not have the right values, it will be a waste of time,” explained Sir Bert. He recalls when his children were growing up and he was very busy, he was pressured in finding time to be with his two sons, not just by being a role model but by being a friend as well. But with the right values intact, he always manages to find time for his children.
Spending too much time outside of the home while neglecting the family shouldn’t be the example shown to kids. Instead, involve them in prayer, bring them to visit the unfortunate, be an example in saying only positive things about other people, and show them a relationship of deep love, commitment, and intimacy with God. With the right values, one is able to prioritize the family.
“I appreciate him even more now that I am also a father. I realized how hard it is to be a good parent”, added Sir Danny.
Have Care and Concern for the Family
“Hear, my son, your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.” Proverbs 1:8
Sir Danny further describes Sir Bert as a compassionate, intelligent, and a morally upright figure. Growing up, they always looked up to him as the leader of the family. He would educate and correct his children, and help them be leaders of their own. Their family’s spiritual growth is nurtured by Sir Bert’s strong spiritual leadership – one that is filled with prayer, faith, and obedience.
“When I was going to college, he asked me why I wanted to study that course. He was never imposing. He listened to our choices and supported us.” Sir Danny was gently pushed and guided into being a leader when his father gave him responsibilities of his own and let him decide for his future, all the while present, guiding, and supportive of him.
A good parent embodying leadership, care, and concern for the family is also about correcting the mistakes of the children. Sir Bert would always explain why something his children did was wrong. And whenever he was angry, he would wait for it to subside before he acts. He never condemned them, instead they prayed. Thus, care and concern for the family is also showing calmness, forgoing hastiness.
John Maxwell, an author, speaker, and pastor, wrote, “There is no legacy like the positive influence a leader can exercise with his family. If you want to impact your community, your country, or your world, the place to start is in your home.” True leadership is putting family first – helping them grow into a life of faith.
Questions on how these are done may arise. It is not answered by rocket science, but by prayer and faith.
Sir Bert leaves with an important advice of walking first with the Lord God, for through Him nothing is impossible, and without Him, nothing could be done. Then, let Him transfer to the person. That is the way to being a good and honorable parent.
Children will always look up to their fathers and mothers when growing up – questioning this and that; trying to learn from him and her; earning experience everywhere. Whatever happens, make sure the good and virtuous parent is always there.
